Renae. CA - CHI.
1. Your sadness will not go away. In fact, it will escalate to the point where you start showing signs of depression and maybe you should go back to therapy but you don’t.
2. You should join some clubs, or you should at least go to class. You just want to lie on your bed and smoke. Your paycheck goes to little red and white cigarette cartons and to your older friends who bring you back cases of PBR that you hide in your dorm room fridge.
3. People will remember the things you drunkenly yelled at them the last time you hit bottom, which was almost six months ago. They won’t be mad, but it will still feel weird under your skin when they want to talk about it.
4. You can hit bottom more than once. In fact, you can just pitch a tent on bottom and you live there now.
5. People will finally want your body but not the disjointed words falling out of your mouth, they will want your body but then they will stop answering your late night requests and they will stop looking you in the eyes they once called arresting.
6. You will tremble when you get your fake ID taken, you will tremble when you get it back, but you will tremble harder and laugh half-sick with relief when you narrowly avoid the guy who fucked you when you didn’t want it.
7. Your sadness will make you create again, but you will be sad. You will not want to leave your room even if you know it will make you less sad. You will write more. You will still be sad.
8. The first person you ever loved can move on.
9. You, however, can’t.
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i want this tattooed on my back